We're Friends
by IndyStarkDeanJr
Summary: [Post Half Wit 3*15] "What's your pain compared to mine, Cuddy ?"


**We're Friends**

* * *

 _Hi everyone !_

 _That's my first attempt to write an english fanfiction about the most amazing and well-written show I've ever watched. I'm french, so please, try to be indulgent ? xD Reviews are appreciated !_

 _The story takes place after the end of_ Half Wit _. I do not own the serie or those characters, of course. Only my imagination.  
Please, tell me where I made mistakes !_

 _This OS is for my dear Ninja ! I hope you'll enjoy the reading as much as I appreciate the writing, babe. Bonne lecture :*  
(Thank you Lisa for the little help :p) Lisa, Lili, I used your sentences ! :*_

 _Ju_

* * *

 **We're Friends**

She hadn't slept very well the night before and Cuddy was impatiently waiting the end of her day work. She still had a dozen of things to do before turning back home. But no matter how hard she tried to be more concentrated on her papers, the Dean of Medicine was too often thinking about House. She hadn't seen him since the night he came at her villa. His team had been busy with a patient and she hadn't seen them all day. As she watched her watch, the Diagnostician was on his way to Boston. This thought froze her and she swallowed hard. It was unreal. He couldn't have cancer, he couldn't be dying. He was the one who saved people.

* * *

At 4 p.m, Cuddy was in the hall rescheduling the clinic hours. Brenda was at her side and two others nurses were around them. The hall was loud and crowded. Cuddy let a slight sigh escaping her mouth. She added her signature at the end of the three pages and gave them back. She headed to the fourth floor and soon arrived at the Diagnosis Department.

« How is your patient ? »

« Stable » Foreman answered before giving her the results of the tests they've done during the night.

They shared some ideas. Cuddy noticed their tired face.

« Have you heard of House ? » she finally asked while they were about to leave the room.

They stared at each other and Cuddy frowned. Chase seemed indifferent but she knew he wasn't. Cameron was … annoyed and Cuddy didn't have a clue why she reacted this way. Foreman's eyes were lightened by resentment.

« You don't know, do you ? » Chase asked and added before she could answer « He doesn't have cancer. We ran all the test, he was pretending. For his leg ... »

« To get high » Cameron said, harshly « Once again, it was one of his tricks. _Cool drug_ , he said. Sounds fun ? »

« The file wasn't his » Cuddy whispered.

« No, it wasn't » repeated Cameron with disgust « Now, you'll excuse us but we have a real patient to take care of »

Cuddy was left alone in the diagnosis room. Silence invaded her thought before thousand of emotions rolled down her brain. Astonishment and relief. Betrayal and anger ; then nothing. It was like a storm had ravaged her brain and left her unable to think. _Once again_ , Cameron said. He pretended to be sick. _And_ she's spent half the night thinking about the worse scenarios that might happen in Boston.

Cuddy went back to her office. She didn't even want to call him, assuming that he'll not answer her. She wondered if Wilson knew, but he wasn't at the hospital for the day.

* * *

 **Later**

He was taken aback by the anger he could easily read in her grey eyes. He couldn't speak and she didn't say anything. She just kept staring at him without knowing if she wanted to run away or slap him in the face.

« You gonna say something or not ? » he finally asked, irritated by her presence and by what it was auguring.

He had expected her to come. But nothing has prepared him to what happened next. Before he could barely open his mouth, she slapped him. Eyes wide open, he felt dizzy and let his hand on the door. Deep inside House knew he deserved this. She didn't slap him hard but the meaning of her gesture was even more significant.

« I thought you were dying » she accused him, her voice full of anger « Why did you do that ? Will you ever stop hurting the people who care about you ? »

« Right, because it's all about you _again_?! » he yelled at her « I thought maybe it was because I have a hole in my leg that makes every single of my life feels like hell ! »

They stared at each other with anger as if they were measuring the impact of their own words. The hall darkened when the clouds suddenly devoured the bright sun of April.

« I don't care about what you feel, Cuddy » he continued, refusing to look at her any longer « It's just me and my pain. Go home »

« You can't say that »

« Why not ? I've always been alone and that'll never gonna change. I don't need your pity or whatever feeling you might want to feel. That's over, adventure's over. Just _leave me alone_ »

« That's not about your pain House ! » she said « That's about you faking cancer to get high ! »

She bit her lips when she saw the flash of annoyance in his blue eyes. He looked down and tried to catch his breath.

« What's your pain compared to mine, Cuddy ? » he asked, his voice dropped to a whisper « I feel pain when I wake up, when I walk. I feel pain every minute of my life, it's killing me »

« House »

« You can't blame me for seeking something to help with the pain »

« Like faking cancer ? » Cuddy asked.

She swallowed hard when she realized how sincere he has just been with her. He never really spoke about the suffering she knew he endured every day. _This man is such a secret_ , she thought while looking at his face, his lips and the sadness in his blue eyes.

« I just want you to take care of you » she whispered

« You weren't supposed to know » he added, clenching his teeth hardly « It was supposed to be a secret »

Cuddy chuckled with bitterness and wondered how many times she's seen this look on his face.

« You could have died » she said and all the anger in her voice had yet disappeared.

« Or live pain-free ? Or die ? » he said back « What's the difference if the only thing I win is a normal life without all that pain ? »

« You'll never have a normal life, House, no matter how hard you try »

« But maybe that's what I want » he said and his voice broke down « You don't know what I feel »

« No, I don't » Cuddy repeated.

They stared at each other one more time before he stepped back and closed the door. Cuddy didn't know what she was supposed to feel right now. She has came to his apartment, feeling nothing else than legitimate anger and disillusion. There wasn't a day she did not feel guilty about the past. On her way back home, her anger vanished even faster than it had appeared. She wanted to hate him.

* * *

He didn't care if he had been selfish. He's done it for himself, and himself only. The pain was often manageable. Sometimes it simply destroyed everything he was until he could feel nothing but an unbearable suffering. Those days, he just wanted it to stop. He just wanted to be free from pain. And House was ready to do anything possible to _find a way_. Even death. Suicide, hell no. If he had to die, his death would have to mean something. And here she was, slapping him, telling him that she cared, that she'd always care. Of course, he knew she did. And in his own way, he has always cared about her too.

All evening, House played every line of their fight in his head, again and again. Of course, she was right. But, he wasn't wrong. He was sincere and he'd surprised himself. They were both right. Not about Boston. But about their feelings and what they would always share for each other. The Diagnostician took one Vicodin and one another before falling asleep on his couch. When he woke up, it was late and his apartment was dark. He saw the reflection of the moonbeams on his piano.

* * *

When she heard three knocks at her door, Cuddy didn't even try to imagine who would visit her that late. She opened the door and, raising her eyebrows, looked at her Diagnostician.

« Can I come in ? »

« House, it's almost midnight. What do you want ? » she sighed « I'm tired »

« You're still mad at me » the Diagnostician said, looking everywhere but her « And I deserve it but ... »

The rest of the sentence died in his throat before he lowered his head. She noticed he left his cane somewhere between his apartment and her porch. Cuddy watched him and frowned when she saw him struggling to find his words. He wanted reconciliation, not war.

« I just came ... »

He looked up and locked his eyes on hers, silently wishing she would finish his sentence.

« I wanna apologize »

Cuddy opened her mouth but remained silent, staring at him as if he has just said the most improper thing she has ever heard in her life. She was surprised but regained control over herself as quickly as possible.

« You never say you're sorry. Why do I have to believe you this time ? » she asked, her voice and her face were now covered by a mask of cold indifference.

« It's not because I don't say I'm sorry that I am not »(*)

House closed his eyes for a second and her silence froze him. He'd come to her and he'd been waiting for something else than this. Her grey eyes were glittering with icy disdain. His heart stopped when he realized he's been a fool to imagine that three words would change everything. Cuddy suddenly felt a long and cold shiver running down her spine when the wind rushed into the villa. He saw her shivering and looked away.

« Good night Cuddy » House whispered, immediately turning back.

After the stunt he'd pulled, she couldn't decide whether to trust him or not. She didn't know the reason why he acted like that. There've been countless times when one of his lies was hiding one another. He was always doing something with a very specific purpose. She watched his back disappearing in the night and made an unconscious step forward. Cuddy closed her eyes a second and couldn't help but admit that one of the most unpredictable things House was capable of was sincerity. He hadn't really gone yet ; he was standing there, three or four feet from her home. His right hand above his scar. She wanted to trust him, she needed to.

« House »

The Diagnostician stopped when he heard his last name. He didn't want to look at her, certain that he wouldn't find what he wanted. _Forgiveness._ But her silence intrigued him, though. House turned back and swallowed. He couldn't really see her face. Standing on the threshold, her silhouette was drawn down the path while the saddened face of the Diagnostician was enlightened by the entry.

« I'm not mad at you » she said with a sad smile « I was worried. I am still worried about you. I thought you were dying. _You had cancer_ »

« I'm not dying » he replied, refusing to let her see the pain that suddenly crushed his thigh.

« Then stop playing with your life as if it was _nothing !_ » Cuddy almost yelled, folding her arms.

He wished he had his cane because he didn't trust his leg anymore. House limped slowly and climbed the few steps. Cuddy frowned and swallowed when she saw his pain and the grimace he tried to hide at every step. She didn't move or say anything, knowing that he wouldn't allow her to do so.

« Tell me what I have then » he asked, his breath struggling against his teeth.

« You're smart, House. You're a pain in the ass, but you're smart » Cuddy slowly replied « You've got a job, you've got friends. I know you're in pain. I _know_ that, House. I see it everyday »

« You're not the one with a hole ... »

« But does that mean I can't care about you ? » she interrupted him, shaking her head

« Why would you care about me ? » he asked, he already knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from her.

She smiled and bit her lips.

« Because we're friends »

« Are we ? »

« I hope I could do something for you, I wish I could help »

They stared at each others a few seconds. House stopped thinking and wrapped his arms around her waist. Cuddy immediately hid her face in his scarf, surrounded by his warm and his scent. House took a deep breath and closed his eyes when he felt her arms around his shoulder. She was cold and weak in his arms and he felt the desire to hold her tight. He wasn't good with words when it became too personal. He wasn't good at cuddling either but he thought it was the best and the most sincere answer he could ever find. It wasn't even a mirror of the hug they shared two days ago, it was _so_ different. And it felt dangerously good to be with her. House wanted this moment to last but he knew he couldn't. He didn't want to take the risk of ruining everything. He truly wanted a friend and here she was. There was no strategy of any kind. It was nothing but timeless friendship.

« If you wanna grab my ass, it's okay. I'll understand » he whispered in her ear with a mischievous laugh.

She chuckled against his torso and stepped back. The cold wind forthwith surrounded her as House moved away from her. She looked at him with a slight smile.

« I accept your apologies »

« Because of what I said or what I just did ? » he asked, holding back a smile.

« Both » Cuddy sincerely replied « And … I won't apologize for slapping you »

She bit her lips and crossed her arms against her chest.

« But it _hurts_ » House whined with a childish pout « Maybe ... »

« And no, since you're not a four-year old poor baby anymore, I won't offer you a _magic kiss_ » she interrupted him, rolling her eyes but unable to hold a smile.

« You're mean »

« Good night House » she smiled.

He stared at her and, with a little nod, offered her a slight - almost shy- smile.

« Good night Cuddy »

Cuddy watched him from the front door as he was limping back to his car. They have been sincere with each other tonight. He was the most damaged man she's ever met in her life and every time someone was trying to give him what he deserved, he clammed up. But with her, he was different. Even if they'll probably never speak about that night again, he really tried to let her in, to let her see how broken he was. And she was thankful for that. Because of all the things Cuddy cherished the most in her life, her friendship with House was priceless.

* * *

 **THE** **END**

 _(*) "It's not because I don't say I'm sorry that I am not" I've read this sentence before but I have no idea where ..._


End file.
